The Stigma of Suicide

This was my toughest chapter to write, so I turned it over to the Lord. I hate the word suicide and there is so much stigma placed on it. I choose to say someone has taken their own life. There are so many different factors that come into play with taking one's own life.

A person may be addicted to drugs or alcohol, have a chemical imbalance or a mental illness. In my son's case it was a failed relationship. In today's society there is bullying whether in person or through technology.

In this chapter I go into detail about the different kinds of stigma - socially, religious, and media. What to watch for and how to deal with someone you think may be considering taking their own life.

My intention with this chapter is to try to save someone. Everyone has someone who loves and cares for them. You may think no one cares, but I do. Turn to God and He will always be there for you.

A Father's Reflection

As I was midway through my book I asked my husband to help me with a couple of things. After his input he asked me if I had ever considered having "A Father's Reflection" chapter in my book. To be honest I had not given it a thought. He is very quiet and takes everything to the Lord rarely sharing anything. I immediately said I would love to have him participate. I gave him  the time frame and he followed them.

I didn't read his chapter for a long time - I didn't want to know - but then realized that I am the author and I have to know everything going in my book - editing it etc. He did a fabulous job, as I knew he would. There may have to be some changes due to not having permission to using names, etc.

This is a very touching chapter and it adds a great deal to my book.

Life Will Never Be The Same

Some people see you in the days of grieving, or even later, and they notice you aren't smiling. They think you are not feeling well. Well, what are they expecting? There is a place for mourning and grieving when someone you love has died. Don't expect us to GET OVER IT quickly. I will NEVER "Get over it."

People can be very cruel with their words. I will tell in this chapter things people said to me and how I have tried to go on living my life the best I can. All I can do is Trust in God. He is Always by my side.

Spring is quickly approaching

With spring approaching my time gets busier and busier. Tennis season begins February 28 which means ordering new uniforms, meetings, organizing schedules and the list goes on.

I'm excited about the new season beginning. However, most of our matches are out of town. I will have to be extra organized with my life. Finding an agent/publisher is my number one goal.

I pray someone will pick up my project. I just want to help someone who is struggling with life.

Stay tune to a little peak into my next chapter.

The Time Since

My fear came Monday morning  after the funeral. I did not want Ron to go back to work or leave my side. Lucky for me I had friends that kept me busy - walking and lunches as well as all the time I spent at the sheriff's office and Matt's attorney. So much to be done and I had all the time in the world.

We had tennis awards which we did not want to go to but that was our job. The parent's and the players are like family and they were there by our sides.

Throughtout the rest of 2005 we went on a few trips, and kept busy the best we could. Everyone was so good to us. There are some sad but good memories in this chapter. Trying to enjoy the holidays without Matthew was the hardest part of all.

I was stuck in the fog trying my hardest to get out and remember I had other family members to love and do things with.

Too much to do

I am getting behind on my blog. I had to leave town for my aunt's funeral and then to my daughter's to babysit my grandchildren. I had fun riding bikes and walking with them as well as watching gymnastic practice and basketball games. Then, I headed for my editor's to get some query letters out on my book. Now it is time to wait and see if anyone is interested in my book.

I'm preparing for the upcoming tennis season which includes several meetings, getting the schedule and calendar ready.

The night I got home from my trip Matt's EX called. It must have taken guts to call me. She was apologizing and saying how much she misses Matt and cries for me every Mother's Day. She is going to send me some pictures and letters from Matt. This call came at 5 years and 8 months to the day. So, I'm back to that NIGHTMARE. I need to get my strength back and trust God. He can get me focused.

Next blog I will continue with a little from the next chapter.