Ninth Anniversary - June 1, 2005

Sunday will be the ninth anniversary of Matt's death. If Matthew were here today I believe he would be married to a beautiful girl who truly loved him - no games and no lies. He wanted to have two baby girls, " Grace Elizabeth and Zoe." He would be on his 10th year with Chelan County Sheriff's Office and a great addition as a SWAT team member. He would be so proud of his nieces and nephew and for his little brother Firefighter Captain Mark and his wife Jess as they are awaiting the birth of their first baby in July. Oh, how Matthew loved little kids and loved buying dresses for his nieces. Tami's kids (his older sister)  would have amazed him with their talents. Who would have thought that big strong Marine Sgt. and Sheriff Deputy would fall head-over-heels for babies!

Reality sets in. It seems like yesterday but it also seems like forever at times. His infectious smile in a photo greets me every day: morning, noon and night. It is as if he is about ready to jump out of the picture on the piano. "Mom, I'm alright." There is no more pain for Matthew and I know he is forgiven and waiting in Paradise for us. But my pain goes on.  Especially this time of year - so sad and lonely. We went to the cemetery for Memorial day leaving plants and flags along with Mark.  On June 1st we go back to the cemetery with our thoughts and gut wrenching pain. On to Lake Chelan for lunch at Campbell's Resort, to the beach to look through one of many scrapbooks of cards people sent to us on that tragic day. It is a day Ron and I spend together. If Mark and Jess aren't working we sometimes have a BBQ together but mainly it's just the two of us. The grief goes on but I work hard to help others who are in my shoes.

I believe he is looking down on me, proud that I have written, Matt's Last Call: Surviving Our Protectors, attempting to help those who cannot help themselves. God is the answer, not suicide. I love my son and maybe if someone had been there with the right words, he would not have snapped. I am reaching out to others, working with Robert Douglas of the National Police Suicide Foundation as the Washington State Representative, Washington State Concerns of Police Survivors Suicide Liaison and John Marx with Cops Alive and The Law Enforcement Survivor Institute. I credit Sgt. Mike Harris, our liaison, from Chelan County Sheriff's Office for always being here for me and always remembering. Through my pain I remember: "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Phil: 4:13. I miss you Matt and look forward to the day we reunite in Heaven.

Memorial Day

Last night I  participated in the Chelan Memorial Parade honoring our Fallen Officers. I was blessed by driving Maria Gallegos, wife of Fallen Deputy Saul Gallegos. She had her 8 month old niece with her who loved my convertible. The people along the parade route were so gracious, waving and cheering. The Chelan Chambers provided dinner at the Apple Cup Restaurant for all those from Washington State Concerns of Police Survivors and several Border Patrol Officers. It was fun getting to see old friends and new friends.

Now we are moving into the Memorial Day weekend. Remember what this stands for - not partying and getting into trouble. This is about those who have Served Our Country and have fought for what we have. Take the time to thank a military personal. I pray God keeps everyone safe this holiday weekend.