Ignorance

Trying to help those in crisis who have lost someone close is difficult at best. Intentions are good but ignorance often prevails. So, here are some do's and dont's with our words: SAY:

1. I'm so sorry
2. If there is anything I can do, no matter how small, I want to help
3. There are no words to say
4. I've been praying for you

WHAT NOT TO SAY:

1. I know just how you feel   -   YOU DON'T!
2. You will get over this soon  -  THEY WON'T!
3. Time heals all wounds  - IT DOESN'T
4. Just be thankful you have other children, etc  -  really?
5. God must need another angel  -  Avoid platitudes in general
6. My grandmother, friend, dog, etc. just died, so I understand

 Offer specific help. Invite to Starbucks. Silence can be golden. Your presence is what counts

Something to Think About

I just returned from 10 days on Maui. Hit the jackpot in weather and stayed in a resort on the beach in a room with an ocean view. Visited favorite cities and restaurants on the island and capped it off with a sunset cruise meeting new friends in the process.

However, news from the mainland brought us a dose of reality. Devastation wrought by the fires in California looked apocolyptic. Exhausted firefighters and first responders were doing their best but many homeowners were left homeless. Election results seemed to anger-or at least disappoint- those on both sides of the issues.

Where is God in all of this mess? Maybe it's time to look to Him for answers. Maybe His ways are better than our ways. We can start by turning over our hearts toward Him or at least begin to search for Him in the pages of the Bible. In the meantime, be kind to one another. Go out of your way to help others in their need. You may be the best Christmas present they will receive in 2018.

God's Help

As we march into spring (no pun intended) the calendar says it is time to clean up the debris winter leaves behind in preparation for the glories of summer living. On a personal level, though, this is easier said than done. The debris of broken relationships, loss of loved ones, and tragic life events cannot be swept away. In the past few weeks I have spoken to several people dealing with someone contemplating or completing suicide. There are no easy answers. Encouraging, comforting,offering a shoulder to cry on are things we can all do. Urging them to get help (counselors, etc.) is also critical.
My own personal source is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I count on Him to hold me up, keep me strong so I can share my story and hopefully save lives.The bottom line is that you show compassion and take action, if necessary. There is no guarantee but a little slice of summer (hope) might enter their lives.

Press Release

PRESS RELEASE

 

MATT'S LAST CALL: SURVIVING OUR PROTECTORS SECOND EDITION

 

BY JULIE ZIELINSKI

 

 

Book Release Date: December 2, 2017 at Encouraging Words, 1-3PM in Wenatchee, WA

 

Unexpected tragedy can strike a family at any time, as happened to the Zielinski family in 2005 when their oldest son Matthew died through suicide. Working through her grief, Julie Zielinski shares her family's joys and sorrows, creating a story of strong faith in God, friendships, and the bonds that only a close family can have, in the second edition of her book, Matt's Last Call: Surviving Our Protectors.

 

Her son Matthew was a Sergeant in the United States Marine Corps, A Chelan County (WA)Sheriff Deputy, and an athlete. But even the training and discipline from those aspects of his life did not save him from death by his own hand at age 27, resulting from a failed relationship.

 

Julie's goal in sharing her story is to save someone else from experiencing the same pain and grief, in particular law enforcement personnel. There is help, and people do care. Matt's Last Call: Surviving Our Protectors ( second edition) talks about her son's life and family, and the aftermath of his tragic death. Woven throughout are words of the deep Christian faith that sustains the family, including reflections from Matt's father.

 

Five chapters provide words of comfort, hope and help for the grieving, and a resource guide giving contacts for help. The chapter, "The Stigma of Suicide," p[resents warning signs and other indicators that someone may be contemplating suicide.

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

 

Julie is a wife, mother, retired tennis and cheerleading coach, and a suicide activist. She and her husband live in Washington State. They have three children: Tami, Matthew (deceased), and Mark. She has four grandchildren.

 

She feels a need to help others. She shares her story to prevent pain and grief for other families, and to comfort other suicide survivors.

 

Julie has shared her story before a variety of organizations in Washington, Oregon, California, Colorado and Montana. Among these groups were members of the military, law enforcement officers, firefighters, medical personnel, and community members. She currently serves as Washington State Concerns of Police Survivors (C.O.P.S.) Suicide Liaison, and the Washington State Representative for the National Police Suicide Foundation. Julie is associated with Cops Alive and the Law Enforcement Survival Institute.

 



A New Season

As summer morphs into fall and a new school year begins, vow to educate yourselves in the telltale warning signs that all may not be well with friends or acquaintances. Watch and observe radical changes in behavior that may be taking them down a wrong path. Note any signs of depression or self-destructive attitudes. And as the saying goes, if you see something, say something. Who knows, it may be the catalyst to recovery and at least shows them that someone cares enough to confront them.

Surprise continued!

I am out of town working on the new project!  It is getting much closer after today!  Watch for updates and a big announcement --- coming soon!
This blog has not been working well recently, but keep an eye on Facebook also.

Honor Them

Honor Them - Our Law Enforcement Officers, Firefighters and all First Responders. Remember what they accomplished here on earth - As for my son, Matthew, he had passion for others, love of his Marine Corps Family and his Law Enforcement Family. Saving lost souls, saving lives. God, Country and Family. That's what life is about, Not the way they died.

A New Year

Just as the inauguration of Donald Trump seemed to spell the end of the world for some- but rejoicing for others- so the traumatic events of life can trigger fatal decisions. An unexpected bankruptcy or other financial woes, the loss of a loved one, or the diagnosis of an incurable disease often foster a sense of hopelessness that won't go away. However, just because life isn't headed in the desired direction doesn't mean the end of the world. With guidance from a knowledgeable friend or  turning to God for help just might provide a new outlook on life. Becoming others-focused is another positive way to go. Use your pain to comfort others. In doing so, you might just find relief and peace in your own circumstances.

An unexpected announcement

For the past several months I have struggled with my publishing company. I would get the run around, or ignored no matter how many phone calls I made. I was beginning to think something was fishy. Boy, was I right. I can no longer get on their website and they have major law suits filed against them. In the meantime, I am working on a second edition of Matt's Last Call: Surviving Our Protectors." I will continue my speaking events and book signings and am excited about the future. It is our hope that Matt's Last Call" will turn out better than before.When all is said and done I hope to blog more and get my website up to date. God is Great!

Christmas Blues?

The memory of lost loved ones during the holidays (especially Christmas) can be a source of depression when everyone else seems to be having a good time. Instead of falling into a funct this year do something unique to commemorate his/her time on earth. Focus on his life, not his death. Have family members/friends share memories of interesting or funny episodes from his life. Laugh together, cry together. Then, turn a corner and invest yourself in the lives of those still living - especially the young ones. Use your experience and concern to impact and make a difference in their lives. Forget about yourself for awhile. You will discover a joy you never knew. The true "reason for the season" may just flood your being and give you purpose for moving forward.

A Special Friend

On March 2, 2016 I received a text from a retired firefighter who had worked at Chelan County Fire District # 1 with my son Mark. He knew that I had written, Matt's Last Call:Surviving Our Protectors and wanted to meet with me since he was writing a book on Alzheimer's. We met over coffee several times. He shared his story with me about his beautiful wife who had Dementia/Alzheimer. As he shared his story I immediately knew writing a book was the answer to so many questions and thoughts about this tragic disease. I learned so much that I didn't know or even understand. People make snide remarks about those who have dementia or Alzheimer's that are rude and demeaning. NO one wants to live this life. Just listening to Cary I learned so much and could hardly wait until our next meeting and what more could I learn. He shared the chapters with me as they were completed. A ghostwriter is putting together the book with information he provided her. He was interested in the publishing aspect which is where I come into the picture. I gave him a couple of books on agents and publishing companies. I didn't see him for awhile as I had trainings, speaking events and book signings. However, we were texting. Unfortunately, he became ill and informed me that he was in hospice and it wouldn't be long.  "I am ok with it." was his response when he contacted me. The next day I learned he had died. A good Christian man whose goal was to help others is now with our Lord and Savior. His ghost writer will complete the book and I will help in anyway I can.

Matt's 20th High School Reunion

This post is a little different from my usual posts. My husband I were honored to be invited to Matt's 20th High School Reunion. It was held last night at Pybus Market in Wenatchee, WA. I was asked to bring photos of Matthew as they were having a table of those who have died since high school. We attended Matt's 10 year HS reunion which for us was difficult because it was just a year since he had died. His friend's were at our side the whole evening making sure we were ok. It was special. Last night we were greeted by 2 girls who identified themselves. I remembered both of them. One of them was in 1st grade with Matt. A beautiful girl. I reminded her of the time she told her mother that she was going to marry Matthew and wanted to have him to dinner. She laughed and we reflected on the years. I saw one of his best friends. He has grown up so much and was quite chatty. Of course, as a teen he was always at our house, but I hadn't seen him for many years. Another young man I had as a student back when he was in Middle School. We didn't have a lot of time to chat but wish we did. He was always a favorite of mine. We missed some of Matt's friends as they had gotten off work late and had to go home, shower and change. The friend who invited us was unable to come due to his grandpa's death. However, he is one I can see often since he still lives in Wenatchee. Many kind words were spoken about Matthew and how he is missed. I am so thankful that these young adults still remember Matthew and the other deceased classmates. We were the only parents attending who had children no longer living. God is always faithful.

Working Together With God's Help

I recently met Mary at one of my book signings. A former Law Enforcement officer has seen so much tragedy. We met a week or so ago sharing our stories, the Law Enforcement officers who have died in the Line Of Duty or suicide. We both have the same passion! Line Of Duty Death/Suicides continue to escalate. After two hours of coffee and conversation at Starbucks we left with a renewed passion to continue our work with a new partnership. The subject of suicide is hard for people to talk about but it simply can't be ignored. Bottom line: it is essential that we educate our first responders. We need to STOP ignoring the pain, PTSD, haunted scenes and nightmares, etc. Although suicide is a tough topic to talk about, I have been able to get beyond the word suicide and not only write about it but also speak to many different organizations, including law enforcement, first responders military, and everyday citizens including churches and service clubs. You see, I am the survivor of my son, who took his life due to a failed relationship. No way will I allow the STIGMA to tarnish my son's name, a Sergeant in the United States Marine Corps, and a Chelan County Sheriff Deputy. It is important to let the public understand and learn the signs of suicide and where to get help. God has been by my side through this horrible tragedy and with His help I stand today. Teaming with Mary who knows what officers deal with on a daily basis and the pressures they face we hope to make a difference. I look forward to working with Mary and learning as much as we can from each other. I have written, "Matt's Last Call: Surviving Our Protectors," to hopefully prevent the unmentionable(suicide) and to help survivors cope with the aftermath of this tragedy. Get your copy today. My website is: http://mattcutshort.tateauthor.com or contact me directly. Mary and I, both Christians, are hoping/praying that God uses us to save lives. Please don't wait until it is too late. GET HELP NOW

The Price They Pay

I have just read the book, "The Price They Pay," by Karen Solomon and Jeffrey M. McGill. The book is incredible. People look at Law Enforcement officers as mean, out to get them, killers, etc. Let me tell you that is NOT who Law Enforcement officers are. They are here to Serve and Protect us from evil. Yes they give tickets, arrest those driving under the influence, murderers, thieves, hit and run drivers but did they cause you to do those crimes? NO! Our Law Enforcement officers see and experience more heinous crimes and murders than we can fathom. Consider these crime scenes: A dead child, an abused child, a burn victim, a shooting of one of their own. After awhile some, not all start seeing these incidents in their sleep, causing them to lose sleep and affect their thinking. They may have been shot or stabbed themselves. The book, "The Price They Pay," has stories of officers who now have PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Injury (PTSI). At some point if not treated, the officer would probably lose his/her job and pay. And the possibility always exists that they may be kicked to the curb by their own Law Enforcement Agency, left to fend for themselves with no income. Some are able to seek help, others get worse and may commit suicide. What can remedy these situations? If you see someone whose personality or work ethic has changed ask, "Hey what's going on? Are you ok?" Stand by them and encourage them to get help. Contact SAFE CALL NOW,206-459-3020, an organization and hotline designed to help law enforcement and first responders in need. There are also many people who love you - SO, don't give up.

From Sorrow to Joy

The holidays can be difficult for those who have suffered any form of loss. It's a time that's traditionally spent with the ones we love, but what do we do if the ones we love aren't here? What if childhood hurts, addiction, anger, pride, divorce, or death have separated us from friends and family? How do we reconcile the pain we're experiencing with celebrating the birth of the Messiah? God knows better than anyone that we're hurting. Is there a sorrow that is keeping you from experiencing the joy of Christmas? Take some time right now to pour out to God all of your pain so that he can help you walk through the next few days, and give you moments of joy in the midst of your sorrow.

Thanksgiving - 2015

As Thanksgiving approaches we are always thankful for health, family and friends. However, let's make sure we remember those who are no longer with us, with a special prayer for all Law Enforcement, Military, Firefighters and First Responders who are struggling with PTSD or suicidal thoughts. Reaching out to those who Serve and Protect us with a note, email, or text of thanks is certainly appropriate. May my God who is always with me be with you too.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

As the holidays near, you may be dreading these festive occasions because a certain loved one won't be at the table. Or, many get depressed because this time of the year means ever-decreasing sunlight and the approach of the long, cold winter months. Certainly, if a close friend or family member has died recently holidays can be painful reminders. Well, there is light at the end of your tunnel. And no, it isn't an oncoming train threatening to pulverize you. It might come in the form of a note or email from a friend who remembers your situation and seeks to comfort you or a recently found picture or written letter from that lost loved one that brightens your countenance. For some, it might be a Scripture verse like, "God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Wherever it comes from please remember you are not alone. People do care and God cares. If none of these scenarios reflect your life right now, I bet you know someone who is going through tough times. Go the extra mile for them. Reach out through an invitation, note of encouragement or phone call. Walk with them, not away from them. We all need each other.

Another Suicide

At 4:42 this afternoon I received an email from our church saying one of our members was in ER in critical condition. My husband knew this man quite well and had a feeling....a short time later I noticed we had a message to contact another member of our church. My husband called him back and was told this man had attempted suicide. We immediately went to the ER and met with the Chaplain. The man had past away at 5:00pm. We were so sad - other church members were beginning to gather...the Chaplain knew we had lost our son to suicide so had a chat with the man's wife and she came out and talked with us and told us what she knew. He has three children who now, along with his wife, are feeling a pain that will NEVER go away. Several people there were blaming themselves for not rescuing their friend. Prayers were being said to help the survivors family and friends. This pain runs deep. There is no worse pain. I know - we went through it 10 years, 2 months and 1 day ago. Trust me the pain is still fresh. No, time does not heal this. People do not understand suicide. For those of you who know me and my story you know what I am talking about. I have written "Matt's Last Call: Surviving Our Protectors," to save lives. My main focus is military and Law Enforcement and first responders because my son was a Marine and Sheriff Deputy. Due to the many pressures they experience daily on the job and in their personal lives they sometimes snap without warning. Our son took his life due to a failed relationship. I don't know why this man took his. Replace negative comments about suicide with a resolve to help in the effort to end it. Let's get those depressed or hurting some help. Stick with your friend, let them know how much everyone cares about them. In September. I will be at Hastings Bookstore (Sept. 12) for a book signing. Also, during the Compassionate Friends' "Walk To Remember" (Sept. 19), the "Out of Darkness" walk (Sept. 26), "Matt's Last Call: Surviving Our Protectors" will be available for $15.14. This book is not only a story of my son's life but a teaching tool on suicide and how to deal with grief. These last two events will be held at Walla Walla Park. I look forward to seeing all of you at these events. Bring a friend. Let's SAVE A LIFE together with God's help.

A DECADE LATER

Ten years ago tomorrow was the worst day of my life. My son, Matthew took his life due to a failed relationship. I am at peace because I know he is with the Lord. His heart was shattered and he made a fateful decision. I'd like to take this time to thank those who have helped me through these past 10 years. God enables us to stand. The special weekly lunches with Theresa, Tash gave me CD's of very special songs with great meaning when she and Matt dated. Many of Matt's Marine Corps brothers now face book with me. It is so much fun getting to know these men with whom Matt shared much time. His law enforcement brothers and sisters are fantastic - one is always by my side at a moment's notice. You know who you are. CCSO will never know how much you all mean to me. Those of you who have moved on, moved or retired are still in contact with me. I am so blessed to have all of you in my life. Thank you. My beautiful daughter-in-law whom I met the day Matt died. She also met Matt on Memorial Day when he was working his deputy shift at Lake Chelan. Matt missed his brother, Mark's, wedding to Jess and now they have a beautiful baby girl. I know Matt would have loved her as he did his sister, Tami's, kids. Going to the cemetery weekly is a challenge but I NEED to be there. On certain occasions I will find a flower or a bouquet someone left or someone tells me they stopped by his grave - remembering or for encouragement. I light up - SOMEBODY remembers. Little things make me smile. I talk to Matt telling him how much he is missed and how the little things people do that make my day a little better. The cards, calls and hugs mean so much. I continue my journey through speaking and sharing, "Matt's Last Call: Surviving Our Protectors." Thank you everyone for your support.

Memories

As the days go by and I am connected more and more with Matt's Marine brothers. I am thrilled when a picture of Matt and his Marines pops up. I get so excited - the pain goes away for an instant. I feel Matt's love of his brothers and that they care enough about him to share with me. The very kind comments about Matt's character mean the world to me. I love to hear stories about his Marine and Sheriff Deputy life. God has Matthew now and I know I will see him again. Please remember those who have lost a child, of any age, and share your memories of that person with their family members. It means so much to us. If you don't have a copy of "Matt's Last Call: Surviving Our Protectors" please purchase one and learn more about Matt's life, The Stigma of Suicide, Grief and some helpful stories from a father, a Marine, Sheriff Deputy, family and friends. Let's prevent suicide by being more aware and reach out to those in need.