Vacation

After the 9th anniversary of Matt's death we decided to head to Kauai to celebrate our 40th anniversary. We were married June 14, 1974.  Seems like only yesterday. We were married on one of the hottest days of that year (114 degrees), no air conditioning in the church so we sweated through the ceremony (literally). Fast forward to the present as we have just returned home from a great trip to Kauai. As the anniversary approached we reminisced the days leading up to our wedding and the actual wedding day. My husband was the tennis pro at the Wenatchee Swim and Tennis Club and I was the lifeguard and swim instructor. The little kids that had a hand in first date later became parents of players we coached on our high school tennis teams.  They heard stories of what swim suit I wore and our falling in love. Wow! What fun. We talked about all the little things that led up to our wedding, the hot day and the honeymoon on Waikiki Beach. We thought it would be fitting to go back to Hawaii and stay at our favorite resort, Kiahuna Plantation, on Kauai. The weather was perfect and just hanging out was so much fun. The Lord has blessed us with three beautiful children now grown with kids  of their own. Yes, there were good times and bad times especially the loss of Matthew. But the Lord has kept us strong and we try to help others cope with the loss of their  loved ones.

Ninth Anniversary - June 1, 2005

Sunday will be the ninth anniversary of Matt's death. If Matthew were here today I believe he would be married to a beautiful girl who truly loved him - no games and no lies. He wanted to have two baby girls, " Grace Elizabeth and Zoe." He would be on his 10th year with Chelan County Sheriff's Office and a great addition as a SWAT team member. He would be so proud of his nieces and nephew and for his little brother Firefighter Captain Mark and his wife Jess as they are awaiting the birth of their first baby in July. Oh, how Matthew loved little kids and loved buying dresses for his nieces. Tami's kids (his older sister)  would have amazed him with their talents. Who would have thought that big strong Marine Sgt. and Sheriff Deputy would fall head-over-heels for babies!

Reality sets in. It seems like yesterday but it also seems like forever at times. His infectious smile in a photo greets me every day: morning, noon and night. It is as if he is about ready to jump out of the picture on the piano. "Mom, I'm alright." There is no more pain for Matthew and I know he is forgiven and waiting in Paradise for us. But my pain goes on.  Especially this time of year - so sad and lonely. We went to the cemetery for Memorial day leaving plants and flags along with Mark.  On June 1st we go back to the cemetery with our thoughts and gut wrenching pain. On to Lake Chelan for lunch at Campbell's Resort, to the beach to look through one of many scrapbooks of cards people sent to us on that tragic day. It is a day Ron and I spend together. If Mark and Jess aren't working we sometimes have a BBQ together but mainly it's just the two of us. The grief goes on but I work hard to help others who are in my shoes.

I believe he is looking down on me, proud that I have written, Matt's Last Call: Surviving Our Protectors, attempting to help those who cannot help themselves. God is the answer, not suicide. I love my son and maybe if someone had been there with the right words, he would not have snapped. I am reaching out to others, working with Robert Douglas of the National Police Suicide Foundation as the Washington State Representative, Washington State Concerns of Police Survivors Suicide Liaison and John Marx with Cops Alive and The Law Enforcement Survivor Institute. I credit Sgt. Mike Harris, our liaison, from Chelan County Sheriff's Office for always being here for me and always remembering. Through my pain I remember: "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Phil: 4:13. I miss you Matt and look forward to the day we reunite in Heaven.

Memorial Day

Last night I  participated in the Chelan Memorial Parade honoring our Fallen Officers. I was blessed by driving Maria Gallegos, wife of Fallen Deputy Saul Gallegos. She had her 8 month old niece with her who loved my convertible. The people along the parade route were so gracious, waving and cheering. The Chelan Chambers provided dinner at the Apple Cup Restaurant for all those from Washington State Concerns of Police Survivors and several Border Patrol Officers. It was fun getting to see old friends and new friends.

Now we are moving into the Memorial Day weekend. Remember what this stands for - not partying and getting into trouble. This is about those who have Served Our Country and have fought for what we have. Take the time to thank a military personal. I pray God keeps everyone safe this holiday weekend.

Hurting

For all those who are hurting I pray that God will wrap His arms around you and give you strength and peace. God is the ONLY answer.

WHAT CAN WE DO?

For our law enforcement personnel and first responders suicides go on day after day. The pain is too great and we are a step too late. My heart breaks for the one who recently took his life - when he cries out for help, but nobody is listening. One minute here, the next gone, because no one heard his cry.

So many of us are working toward stopping suicide while others look at victims as being weak and the issue of suicide either too difficult to talk about or something impossible to stop. Every one of us needs to CHANGE our attitudes and guide those who are hurting to those who can HELP them, and in the process save their jobs.

Contact: SAFE CALL NOW - Sean Riley, Executive Director, 206-459-3020
              National Police Suicide Foundation, Robert Douglas, Executive Director, 1-866-276-4615
             
OR speakers: The Pain Behind the Badge, Clarke and Tracie Paris, 702-573-4263
                       Cops Alive and The Law Enforcement Suicide Institute, John Marx, Executive              Director - 303-940-0411
                        Matt's Last Call: Surviving Our Protectors, Julie Zielinski, Author, speaker and survivor, http://matt'slastcall.tateauthor.com
Also, Sean Riley and Robert Douglas are speakers

Grieving

Wednesday night I shared Matt's Last Call: Surviving Our Protectors with a group of 50-60 people at Wenatchee First Assembly Church. It was part of a Death and Heaven class sponsored by the church. After sharing some precious moments from my son Matt's life, I told about how cruel people can be to suicide survivors with words like "I'm sure you're over it by now", or the implication that the victim was somehow a "loser". It is obvious that if someone doesn't know what to do then say nothing, or indicate that I'm thinking about you, give a hug and say "I love you". As survivors, we never get over the pain but God can use the pain and memories to reach out to others in their time of need. During the Q&A period people shared their stories and concerns. Bullying, depression, PTSD were just a few things brought up. These problems seem overwhelming; however, with the proper training and awareness of the resources available,  we can make a difference in the lives of families and friends by working together under God's guidance. None of us can do everything, but all of us can do something.


I loved speaking to this animated and wonderful group of people. Unfortunately, we had to cut our time short during the Q & A due to other activities going on at the church.

A Busy Time

On this dark and gloomy day I wanted to let my followers know that my website is working once again. Sorry it has been down so long. After a month or two off I am getting busy again. Thank you Lord for giving me these new events and opportunities to share Matt's Last Call: Surviving Our Protectors. I look forward to all the possibilities that I am encountering. Must run but hope your New Year is a good one. May God Bless You.