Concerns of Police Survivors Annual Meeting

Last Saturday I attended our annual C.O.P.S. meeting. My husband accompanied me. We have speakers, eat a delicious lunch, have our meeting - a summation of the year along with a raffle and a little quiet time honoring those who left us all to soon. This year was a little different. For the last five or six years we have held our meeting at the Kirkland Police Department. Chief Olsen is a great person and leader. They had just moved the entire Police Dept. into an old Costco building. We were so blessed to get a personal tour of the facility. I asked if they had an opening-for me! There were humongous locker rooms for the officers and a separate locker room for the SWAT team, in addition to an indoor shooting range and beautiful offices. An old San Diego Police car, now with the Kirkland name on the seal graced the entryway along with pictures from the beginning of the department to present. The building was totally secure from "knuckleheads" as the Chief put it. We then had a delicious lunch followed by a speaker, Stacey Sanner. Stacey has worked in photography, fiction and non fiction writing for more than 20 years. Stacey moved to the Seattle area from New York in 2006. She had no past experience with law enforcement but wanted to interview officers on why they wanted to be in law enforcement, their daily routines and how they manage the danger. The hardest part was getting a law enforcement department to say "yes" and allow her to interview and photograph the officers. Most did not reply to her but the Seattle PD said yes. She interviewed and photographed 41 officers and self published a book. It is very well done and we really learn what officers go through on a daily basis. The theme of the meeting was a big "thank-you" to police everywhere for protecting us from what would otherwise be chaos. The three videos were personal notes of thanks from individuals in the general public for specific situations. They were very emotional and a far cry from what we are reading about currently in the media. We left a little early even though I accidentally left our car keys in the front seat of our locked vehicle. Thank God for AAA!

A Long Drive South

Ron and I just returned from Klamath Falls, Oregon where I spoke at three different facilities. The first one I spoke with doctors, nurses, veterans, firefighters, law enforcement and a few general pubic. I basically had a training power point followed by Q & A. The firefighters were called out on a call - I talked with them before the presentation and told them if they were called out I might ask if I could go with them. They chuckled - they received a call - I said, "Be Safe , can I go too?" They chuckled as they left. Before I go any farther I must say my dear husband gave me his nasty cold. Luckily that 7:00 in the morning was the only one I had that day. Throat was sore and voice raspy. My classmate who started this entire process put us up at the Running Y World Mark. It was beautiful. We walked around, ate in their restaurant and then went back to get some sleep and try to recover from these colds. Actually, I spent about two hours getting ready for my second event at 9 in the morning on Wednesday. This was open to the general public. The tech guy told me his story of his friend's suicide. So sad. As I spoke I noticed how intently he was listening. A great young man and so helpful. First thing that morning I received a call from my friend who told me the military event was definitely on. The Oregon Institute of Technology event was a good group of people although not many had and questions. At 1:00 on Wednesday afternoon we headed for Kingsley Air Force Base where we met the Chief!. What a personable man. So much energy and so happy I was able to come speak to his Airmen. As my friend and husband followed us we discussed exactly what he wanted. He shared that 5-6 air force personnel had committed suicide that month due to failed relationships and just wanted me to share my story which was perfect for me. Prior to my speaking we had about an hour to kill. I was all set up so the Chief took us on a tour of the base. We saw the F-15 and learned the process they go through before they ever start flying. He showed us the mechanics room, which is being remodeled, where the Airmen mechanics were working. It was so quiet - I expected a lot of noise. We saw how the engines work. He then introduced me to many coworkers. These people were so friendly and thankful that I was able to come to the base. My husband wanted to take pictures but he wasn't allowed due to high security. The room was filled for my presentation - and off I went. As I shared, "Matt's Last Call: Surviving Our Protectors," Ron and I did a little role play. One of my main points was to consider all who will be left behind if that awful choice is made. At that point I opened it up to Q & A. As the questions began, the conversation took on a life of its own as one after another shared a personal story or made a comment on someone else's question, etc. Everyone was engaged and talked about what might be done to help the Airmen on base. At the end, I was given a picture of the F-15. So cool. One of my highlights is that before I started speaking I was chatting with two young men who had been Marines. After talking with them for several minutes we realized that they were in boot camp in San Diego the same time Matthew was. They were one and two classes behind him but thought they might have met him. What an end to a fabulous trip. Unfortunately, my cold kept getting worse and worse. However, God made sure my voice held out until I was done speaking. Our trip home was about 9 hours. To my friend - thank you for all the work you did and for believing in me. If we hadn't had colds we would have spent a lot more time with you. May God richly Bless you. Thanks to all involved in this week's presentations.

Opportunity

A high school classmate recently contacted me and wanted me to come to Klamath Falls, Oregon to share my story, "Matt's Last Call: Surviving Our Protectors," and to talk about suicide prevention, grief and death. I will be headed for Oregon next week for three different events with three different presentations. I love sharing my story with others in hopes that I might save a life. God has provided me with the passion and I am a good listener for those who need to talk. It is my hope that through these presentations those in attendance will be able to use the tools to help those in their sphere of influence.

A Little Light Penetrates the Darkness

A little light penetrates the darkness on July 30, 2014 at 9:17 pm as my son and his beautiful wife give birth to a beautiful baby girl. At 6 pounds 7 ounces and 19 1/2 inches long she brings light back into my life. Such a sweet cuddly baby as I hold her and speak quietly to her. Her Uncle Matthew would have loved her - he was very fond of his other two nieces and nephew. Out of the darkness of his death a little life and light springs forth. God has Blessed us so much with this gift.

Vacation

After the 9th anniversary of Matt's death we decided to head to Kauai to celebrate our 40th anniversary. We were married June 14, 1974.  Seems like only yesterday. We were married on one of the hottest days of that year (114 degrees), no air conditioning in the church so we sweated through the ceremony (literally). Fast forward to the present as we have just returned home from a great trip to Kauai. As the anniversary approached we reminisced the days leading up to our wedding and the actual wedding day. My husband was the tennis pro at the Wenatchee Swim and Tennis Club and I was the lifeguard and swim instructor. The little kids that had a hand in first date later became parents of players we coached on our high school tennis teams.  They heard stories of what swim suit I wore and our falling in love. Wow! What fun. We talked about all the little things that led up to our wedding, the hot day and the honeymoon on Waikiki Beach. We thought it would be fitting to go back to Hawaii and stay at our favorite resort, Kiahuna Plantation, on Kauai. The weather was perfect and just hanging out was so much fun. The Lord has blessed us with three beautiful children now grown with kids  of their own. Yes, there were good times and bad times especially the loss of Matthew. But the Lord has kept us strong and we try to help others cope with the loss of their  loved ones.

Ninth Anniversary - June 1, 2005

Sunday will be the ninth anniversary of Matt's death. If Matthew were here today I believe he would be married to a beautiful girl who truly loved him - no games and no lies. He wanted to have two baby girls, " Grace Elizabeth and Zoe." He would be on his 10th year with Chelan County Sheriff's Office and a great addition as a SWAT team member. He would be so proud of his nieces and nephew and for his little brother Firefighter Captain Mark and his wife Jess as they are awaiting the birth of their first baby in July. Oh, how Matthew loved little kids and loved buying dresses for his nieces. Tami's kids (his older sister)  would have amazed him with their talents. Who would have thought that big strong Marine Sgt. and Sheriff Deputy would fall head-over-heels for babies!

Reality sets in. It seems like yesterday but it also seems like forever at times. His infectious smile in a photo greets me every day: morning, noon and night. It is as if he is about ready to jump out of the picture on the piano. "Mom, I'm alright." There is no more pain for Matthew and I know he is forgiven and waiting in Paradise for us. But my pain goes on.  Especially this time of year - so sad and lonely. We went to the cemetery for Memorial day leaving plants and flags along with Mark.  On June 1st we go back to the cemetery with our thoughts and gut wrenching pain. On to Lake Chelan for lunch at Campbell's Resort, to the beach to look through one of many scrapbooks of cards people sent to us on that tragic day. It is a day Ron and I spend together. If Mark and Jess aren't working we sometimes have a BBQ together but mainly it's just the two of us. The grief goes on but I work hard to help others who are in my shoes.

I believe he is looking down on me, proud that I have written, Matt's Last Call: Surviving Our Protectors, attempting to help those who cannot help themselves. God is the answer, not suicide. I love my son and maybe if someone had been there with the right words, he would not have snapped. I am reaching out to others, working with Robert Douglas of the National Police Suicide Foundation as the Washington State Representative, Washington State Concerns of Police Survivors Suicide Liaison and John Marx with Cops Alive and The Law Enforcement Survivor Institute. I credit Sgt. Mike Harris, our liaison, from Chelan County Sheriff's Office for always being here for me and always remembering. Through my pain I remember: "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Phil: 4:13. I miss you Matt and look forward to the day we reunite in Heaven.

Memorial Day

Last night I  participated in the Chelan Memorial Parade honoring our Fallen Officers. I was blessed by driving Maria Gallegos, wife of Fallen Deputy Saul Gallegos. She had her 8 month old niece with her who loved my convertible. The people along the parade route were so gracious, waving and cheering. The Chelan Chambers provided dinner at the Apple Cup Restaurant for all those from Washington State Concerns of Police Survivors and several Border Patrol Officers. It was fun getting to see old friends and new friends.

Now we are moving into the Memorial Day weekend. Remember what this stands for - not partying and getting into trouble. This is about those who have Served Our Country and have fought for what we have. Take the time to thank a military personal. I pray God keeps everyone safe this holiday weekend.